There’s always one in a family, isn’t there?
You know the one’s…they’re the aunt or uncle who are guaranteed to show you up, give the rest of the family something to talk about, refuse to grow old gracefully, and are almost always the ‘black sheep’ of the family.
*stands and holds hand up in acknowledgement and great pride*
I have an inkling that might well be me!
This links in quite nicely with what I’m about to share as today I wanted to write a special post for a very special person.
…and this time it’s NOT Hannah! *gasp!*
If I never blog again, it’s probably because I’ve mysteriously disappeared; because I’m at real risk of being in SOOooo much trouble for this post *grins in a rather devilish manner*.
But it’s only fit and proper that I share with his friends and work colleagues…who the REAL Chris is.
You see, Chris (or otherwise known by his Sunday/’telling off’ name – Christopher) is my eldest nephew.
On the eve of his (‘ahem’, rather significant!) birthday, I can’t help reflecting fondly(ish) on the last 30 years since his birth. Naturally, I was a mere infant myself when he was born *looks away innocently*, so some of what I’m about to share might be a bit of a blur/might have been a little teeny tiny bit elaborated on for entertainment purposes!
I’ve always been of the understanding that as part of my role as maternal Auntie, it’s in the job description to act as a confidant (because they can’t tell their parents what they’ve done because they might go ballistic and then they’ll get grounded FOREVER), to get them really giddy and feed them utter rubbish until they go home and vomit on their mothers new sofa and also to ensure that your nephew is thoroughly embarrassed as much and as often as possible. Plus, it’s a little bit of payback for being emotionally harmed by being subjected (repeatedly, I hasten to add!) to the theme tunes to Postman Pat, Thomas the Tank Engine and the films of the Mutant ninja hero turtles. ARGHHHHH!!!!!!
…and that was only a week ago!
So here goes…I’ll give this my very best shot!…
Once upon a time, this kid was born…(that’s me on the left and him on the right)
His mother anticipated him being a girl and she intended to name him Crystal.
I kid you not!
Because she liked watching Dynasty on the TV at the time.
I just thank God he turned out to be a boy!!
I was (and still am) a very proud Auntie…(although after changing his nappy for the first time the novelty wore off a little, ew!…oh, and he was a bit of a ‘squawker’ too!)
I recall one of his first spoken words being “bugger”…all thanks to his grandmothers tuition *tuts in shame*. However, this backfired quite catastrophically on her when she took him to church and the large bag of sweets purchased to “keep him quiet” ran out.
Beautiful, serene church…
Parishioners quietly engaged in prayer and contemplation…
Small child throws himself backwards on a hard wooden pew…
Takes a deep breath…
And bellows at the top of his voice…
My mother’s face went puce.
It made me laugh though!
Churches seem to be the most wonderful venue for acoustics, don’t you think?
I don’t think he was ever taken to church again.
Such a pity.
He also took great pleasure in stroking trees…never did get to the bottom of that one!…I think that was probably down to my mother’s tuition again.
Then he went to school and did quite well…
And like lots of little boys, he had aspirations to be a spaceman…(look closely, it’s him!)
…and a footballer…(yep, him again)
…and then a bin man (the correct term being Domestic Waste Disposal Operative)… (But I didn’t have a photo of that, so I thought he kind of looked quite cute like this)…(him again)
Or this…(awh, doesn’t he look gorgeous!)
Kids can teach you lots of things…and I’m SO grateful that he introduced me to the delights of the finest cuisine in the world – McDonald’s chicken nuggets and blue slush puppies (BTW, I’m being totally ironic there).
Being the thoughtful big brother that he was growing up, he insisted his sibling, on a regular basis, play football with him on what was termed by the locals as “The dog poo field” near their house. The younger brother was ALWAYS made to be the goal keeper and therefore always subject to quarantine and infection control on his return home…you get the picture, let’s leave it at that shall we? Ew!! Although when it was payback time, it was quite funny to see Chris retch, scream and cower/run away at the sight of his younger brother’s boogers swinging freely about 9 inches from his nose whilst he chased him around the house…who needs toys when you’ve got boogers?!
I also recall him ‘grassing me up’ to his mother when I (just ever so slightly) exceeded the driving speed limit (very momentarily, of course) when I took him and his brother on a jaunt to Norfolk. Perhaps we should have known that this was a sign of his future intentions to work in law enforcement!
Then, as he got a little bit older, and he stopped salivating over his Lego and his collection of football cards and his favourite teddy got the boot. The hormones kicked in and then out came the Lynx body spray and he went into OVERDRIVE with it (which literally made everyone gag as he wafted past!) and he found out about girls!! Then there were the girlfriends…ohhh, the girlfriends…erm…perhaps it’s better that I leave that subject well alone!!!.
Although he must (somehow) have a way with the ladies as my daughter even chose Chris to be the first person she gave a kiss to (awhhh!)…
Thankfully, earlier this year, he married someone beautiful and lovely – although it still baffles me how he managed to get her to stick around!…
And they now have a (rather hairy) baby…my great-nephew…Oscar the dog!…
And now that he’s all grown up and I sadly no longer receive greetings and farewells with hugs and sticky kisses but am now subjected to a nod or a handshake…unless he’s REALLY drunk or it’s a special occasion…then I may get a pat on the back and a reluctant hug.
But even though I give him ‘stick’ (he gives LOTS back though!) and probably painfully embarrass him almost all of the time, I hope he knows just how proud I am of the man he’s become.
Oh, and just before I go, for the record Christopher (yes, I AM using your Sunday/telling off name)….I AM biologically your Auntie! Well, I haven’t had the official DNA test results yet, but I’ve been led to believe that I am! PLUS, taking you to the Buddhist Centre and encouraging you to try wheatgrass juice does NOT suggest, in any way whatsoever, that I am a “Hippie”. Right? Not that I have anything at all against Hippies, of course, I’m just not one.
Anyway, all that said, Happy 30th Birthday kiddo!
Don’t worry too much; I’m guessing the ribbing at work will only last a few months!
Anne Chan xxx
p.s. Happy Birthday to Pops too. You’ll have to wait just a few more years until you get a post like this! …bet you can’t wait…not!
p.p.s. A message to all of Chris’s work colleagues – I think he’d REALLY appreciate it if you copied a few of these photos on my post (especially the ones where he’s looking glamorous) and maybe enlarged them to…oooh, let’s say the BIGGEST size you possibly can, and then stick them up all around your office. He’d LOVE that!!!
This post is dedicated to both of my long suffering nephews.
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