Gentle Reader, please don’t be deceived by the title.
This is not an announcement of an impending birth at Broccoli HQ in six months’ time.
Whilst ones muffin top could easily be mistaken as harbouring a ‘mini-Hannah-mark-2’ in-utero (in my utero, to be precise); I am not, and will never, EVER, be declaring that I am again ‘with’ child.
(My usual ‘never say never’ attitude has gone right out of the window on this one!)
Nope. Broccoli HQ will not hear the patter of more tiny human feet – other than Hannah’s (she still has feet the size of a baby and whilst her plodding around the house could often be mistaken for a herd of wildebeest, I wished they’d grow a bit!).
…and anyway, whilst I do genuinely adore children, I can just about cope with one child. Blimey, if I had another one, you’d probably find me rocking in a corner somewhere, stuffing a whole packet of jaffa cakes into my mouth and swigging prosecco straight out of the bottle, whilst sobbing despairingly.
No, rather, said muffin top is more than likely the result of too many Cornish pasties…and…erm…a few (a lot of) jaffa cakes.
Actually (back to the title, here), I’m rather conscious that I’ve neglected the blog for quite some time. And that just won’t do, will it?. But life kinda got in the way a bit – you know, like it does. In fact, it’s still in the way to some extent, but I promised to keep you updated on OBGB aka ‘Operation Big Girls Bed’ (Hannah moving into her very own bedroom, over six months ago now – hence the title) and so this is my opportunity to bring you up-to-date.
…so here it is…
Erm *stares at keyboard in bewildered manner*
Okay, where do I start? It’s been a while; I’ve forgotten how to do this writing thing.
Ah. Right. Got it. Here goes…
If you’ve just stumbled upon us (Hello! *waves vigorously*) Hannah is 7 years old. I’ll spare you my wittering’s as I’ve (a) already rambled on enough at the start of this post (b) written about OBGB previously. However, just for info, in a nutshell, Hannah (for a number of reasons) slept in our bedroom up until just over 6 months ago.
So, how’s it been since OBGB was initiated?
Well, it’s actually been a bit of a mish-mash of stuff, really; challenging at times. Interesting. Hilarious. Exhausting (TOTAL understatement there!)
However, as is often the case, Hannah’s been an absolute superstar and, whilst it took quite some time, she’s pretty much *touches nearest piece of wood* adapted beautifully.
Hannah not only made the transition from our bedroom, she also moved to another floor level, out of a cot bed, into a grown up single bed and into her very own bedroom!
That’s quite some feat for an average kid to adapt to, let alone for a child with significant additional needs!
On reflection, I think Hannah adjusted better than I did. Whilst we were all ready for that change, I missed her. I worried about her. I know! Crazy, huh?
But I have perspective. I am lucky. I can still see and hear her on the baby monitor – sleeping, wiggling, snoring (and blimey, can she snore!), breathing and generally messing about in the middle of the night.
Obviously, each night (well, most nights) I go to sleep, but probably like a lot of parents, I don’t sleep as soundly as I used to do. Having a child who’s been affected by apnoea – who used to stop breathing in her sleep – who’s non-verbal, who has significant additional needs, pretty much conditions you to being on red alert…constantly, without any respite whatsoever. Add into the mix the dreaded reflux and it’s absolutely no wonder why I look so jaded most of the time (okay, all of the time!)…and, often, can’t string a sentence together coherently!
Alongside the baby monitor, however, I’ve had to invest in an eye mask, as despite turning the screen to the lowest possible setting, it’s still really shockingly bright. Unfortunately, the eye mask designers seem to have failed to make their product sufficient enough to accommodate a schnozzle like mine and so I often wake to find it sitting on my forehead, or round the back of my head, or beside me on the pillow. Pointless. *sigh*
Still, said monitor has been witness to a number of interesting goings on. Here’s just a few examples:
- Small child caught trying to ‘bounce’ on her bed in a precarious manner – Hannah style – between the hours of 1am and 3am!…and when caught in the act, gives you a ‘look’ as if to say “What? What’s your problem, mummy?”
- Several graceful slides out of bed, whilst still asleep. Bed guards aren’t an option – she’d only try and climb over them – so twenty billion cushions (slight exaggeration) surround her bed. Child is subsequently scooped up by half-asleep parent and is placed back into bed. Child remains asleep and blissfully unaware throughout. Alright for some, eh?
- Countless wanderings around the bedroom, trying to escape into the kitchen – no doubt the intended mission being to play with the gas knobs on the cooker and kill us all. Great!
- Just general shenanigans and messing about.
- Staring into the baby camera and gesturing towards the door as if demanding to be released from the bedroom – which really freaked me out…because, although all she could see was a tiny green light on the camera, it was if she could see me, looking at her. Proper spooky! *shivers*
- Singing (again, Hannah style) and/or laughing in the middle of the night – because it’d be rude not to.
- Flicking the light switch on and off incessantly at silly o’clock, for no apparent reason…just because she can. She’d make a fantastic lighthouse keeper, if anyone’s recruiting!
- And, of course, for quite some time post OBGB ‘launch’, the monitor would’ve shown either her daddy or I, sleeping (okay, probably just lying down, trying desperately to sleep) on the Ikea bed chair, just to make sure that transition went as smoothly as it could.
- And, Oh!, the piece de resistance; a covert (completely nonsensical) mission which involved attempts to undress, success at pulling the nappy off, finished by a sneaky wee on the floor – you know, like you do!
So, there you have it – a bit of an update on the kid and her shenanigans over the last 6 months.
And poor little Broccoli HQ is now in dire need of a replacement stair carpet – after all the traffic it’s had during the night/early hours when Hannah’s daddy and I have had to get up to tend our child’s needs. Honestly, we’ve been up and down like yoyo’s! (I was going to say we’ve been up and down like a bride’s nighty…but that would’ve been a bit crude!)
Right, I’d better be off. I guess that’s all for now, my lovelies. I’ll try and get my act together and write again soon.
Thanks, as always, for stopping by.
Until next time
p.s. Have you seen my finalist badge for the BAPS? Immensely proud…and feeling very honoured!
This post is dedicated to Norman Emerick – inventor of the first baby monitor in 1937. Bless you, Norman!